So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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