I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
