Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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