so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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