i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
