Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
