mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize