Can i not drive my cunt home
Fuck appropriateness.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Everyone says I win the strip club
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
