Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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