You work out of a Hotel?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
