I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
