I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
