So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
