I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
