Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
