i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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