He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize