You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
