you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
