Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
