Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
