i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize