I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
