her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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