Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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