this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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