I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
