I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
