i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize