when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
