he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
