I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
