You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
