Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
