i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
