we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
