it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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