beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
