I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
