moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
