the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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