Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
false alarm. still invincible.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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