I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
