I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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