Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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