now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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