please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
