I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
