Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
