Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
