Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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