Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
