Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
