I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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