They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
