i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
