Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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