she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
