i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
