i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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